Note: All excerpts are posted in accordance with U.S copyright law, which allows such excerpts to be used for the purposes of, amongst other things, commentary and critique.
After Eugine opens the envelope and finds the invitation to meet at a diner, Eugine and Jerry talk for (quite!) a while, mostly about the heroic contributors to SINNERS DANCE who have been murdered in various ways.
“…[Jerry] knew exactly who died, two of them were his best friends for nearly fourteen years -- now their souls are in the inferno.”
Um, why does he think they are in hell? We’ve been given no reason for them to be in hell rather than heaven…except that they sent a story to a magazine that the villain didn’t like.
Eugine moans about how seeing pictures or reading obituaries give him nightmares. Now he’s starting to sound like Nicky, who freaks out over things that normal people have no problem with. Note that we also have mention of figures from Greek mythology as well as Christianity. Religion-fail for Nicky. And I want to tell Eugine to suck it up and do something about the harassment.
“It was if he was stepping in the territory of the 815 nation they always penned things like that instead of the whole alternative angle…”
Sound familiar. Like from one of Nicky’s blogs. Lather, rinse, repeat.
“The blackened horror displayed on the screen of a person wearing a black “Lord's Gym” hooded sweatshirt”
Nicky = villain = Gary Stu.
Then Eugine makes a decision:
“but I am going to take this mysterious stranger up on their invitation.”
Yay, he’s finally going to *do* something, even if it strikes me as a TSTL move – particularly because:
“My girlfriend would call these kind of letters divine appointments, or something of that nature…”
Bwhahaha. Nicky as a divine anything? *snort* Then there’s more blah, blah, blah where Eugine thinks more the contributors who died and about the contributors to the villain’s magazine, IN THE DEPTHS. Jeez, he made a decision, so let’s get on with it. Although this is LOL:
“some of the writers could pass for members of The Hells Angels”
Nicky only wishes he were this tough. If confronted with a real Hell’s Angel, he’d probably giggle and run away like a little…I hate to say girl, because I know little girls with more brains and courage than he has. Good fucking grief, we are 9300 words into this brain-frying epic o’ fail, and all that’s happened is back story and the opening of an envelope. This kind of reminds of PASSENGER where the characters talk, talk, talk the entire time and don’t do anything. Seth Miles is still pretty pissed about that. He’ll be stopping by this blog to share his story of surviving Nicky in the coming month.
Then there’s an abrupt scene change to a club – at least I think the scene changed and it wasn’t just more ruminating; sometimes, it’s hard to tell with Nicky’s writing – and we’re treated to ruminating by another character and another repetitive description of:
“one of the stories, the one called GAME OVER --- the one where the author is photographed wearing a black Lord's Gym hooded sweatshirt”
Nicky has mentioned a Lord’s Gym sweatshirt so many times, I just have to ask…what is Lord’s Gym? Does it have anything to do with religion or is it just the name of the person who started the gym (franchise)?
This club scene – where nothing happens – lasts about 1300 words. The Eugine goes back to his office and….wait for it…ruminates further on the letter.
“[Eugine’s contributors] didn't survive to see the deadline – the first to die just as they got their works published within the pages of SINNERS DANCE, but they had their epitaph printed upon the page. As that epitaph was written a tarot card was staring right back at them – The Death Card.”
Grammar-fail. New-Age-fail. Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of the Tarot knows that the Death Card does not signify death, but a major change or transformation in one’s life.
“[Eugine] kept imagining the blood of the dead upon his hands and living out the plot of a story from the magazine IN THE DEPTHS.”
Eugine must have had a lot drink – or smoke, if he’s a pot head like Nicky used to be – at the club because it’s pretty clear the villain, the editor of IN THE DEPTHS, is the one responsible for the horrible murders. I hope Eugine kicks his ass at the diner. Or better yet, Eugine should call the cops and have them meet the villain at the diner.
Then there’s yet more (make it stop! make it stop!) ruminating about the letter, about the deaths of his writers, and about the writers for IN THE DEPTHS:
“…by the entry from IN THE DEPTHS written by Judas Orion Cicerone (pictured wearing a PANTERA shirt – the author is a cousin of Nickolaus Allan Cicerone,)…”
And finally we have another abrupt scene change to:
“The meeting at the diner was a few days later…”
Finally, at 13,600 words, the next bit of action after opening the envelope. Arrgh. And I thought Nicky’s blog entries were tl;dr. This “master work” of his is eye-glazingly, brain-numbingly tl;dr. Fortunately, my tomorrow night does not include writing Part 4 of this review (look for it on Saturday); tomorrow is Zumba and margaritas – not at the same time, although that might do wonders for my dance skills.