Friday, July 30, 2010

Nicky Plays Dictator

Nicky has been given admin powers over at Authorspub, and in less than 24 hours has just about destroyed the place. I feel bad for the James Watts, who started the Ning group, because all of the people who joined recently are leaving in droves due to Nicky's power-crazy shenanigans. Lets lok at some:

Todd Hollins had an "I [heart] my goat" avatar (see Todd's blog here in Blogger). Nicky removed it saying, "That is very wrong of a picture and this is a PG-13-light R rated venue. So kindly refrain from things that might be graphic with barn animals. The younger members don't want to see THAT." Hahaha. A candy heart is R-rated.

Todd has also posted a blog saying that he volunteered to be an admin. Nicky has deleted it and Todd has reposted something like four or five times now. Nicky apparently does not want the site owner to see it. Too bad that Todd also e-mailed it directly to James. And Todd was serious about trying to be a good admin, unlike Nicky who just wants to abuse people he doesn't like because in real life he is an impotent little troll.

Nicky also erased Sam's avatar, which was simply a picture of a woman with blood around her mouth. He left her this little nugget (scroll down to the bottom): "For your information for the next two weeks I will be locking all your threads, that's the consequence of insulting an admin. Treat the admins with respect, I mean all of them. I've seen what you called me so as cause and effect, I am resetting your picture because it's not PG-13 rated. When those two weeks are up, you will have access to the forums once again." Sam has put up another picture.

Nicky also locked all of Sam's forum threads and put tags like "insulting-admins", "disrespecting-admins", and "locked-thread". Way to go Vandalism-Nicky.

Nicky also doesn't like my review of Quakes and Storms in House of Horror Issue #14. He has this to say to Sam: "Well I think you're getting Quakes and Storms as a review and I read the review, it's insulting. I learned what you paid the author -- that's about as bad as not paying him. I personally demand about $10.00 per short story, and $35.00 for a novella. but I clearly won't be submitting to your mag anytime soon because you're too cheap for short stories ($5.00.) You have the same personality as Poppy Z. Brite. I am going to sponsor your former writers membership on for the first year. You screwed one writer out of $50.00. Classy, very classy. Yep you're a troll. You can't type an e-mail without having a typo in it." BWAHAHAHAHA. Let's take a closer look at this:

---"I learned what you paid the author -- that's about as bad as not paying him." - Nicky is not one to talk about low payments - since he does more 4theluv anthologies than anything - or not paying. We all know that Nicky has a long track record of not paying contributors. Hell, he didn't even tell at least three of the contributors to EG10 that he had published them; that's one way to try to get around making promised payments.

---"I personally demand about $10.00 per short story, and $35.00 for a novella." - *snort* Nicky demands payment? Yeah, that's why he keep submitting to 4theluv projects. Hell, I probably made more last year off my writing (I won $35 for placing second in a fun little writing contest) than he did.

---"I am going to sponsor your former writers membership on for the first year". - He does this instead of paying contributors that he owes money to?

---"You can't type an e-mail without having a typo in it." - Bwahahaha. *gasp* Sorry, had to do that. Nicky is the poster boy for abuse of the English language and has no business mocking anyone else's spelling.

Finally, Nicky has taken to making long rambling posts about his rules, his enforcement of the rules, sock puppets (I don't think that words means what he thinks it means), etc., etc., etc. - and then making them the featured blog or forum post. That's right, kids, it's all about Nicky. No one else gets to be featured or have a moment to shine. It's all Nicky, all the whine.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Nicky Writes Like a Woman

I was playing with some fun blog analyzers this morning and came across one called the GenderAnalyzer. I asked it to analyze this blog, and the result was:
We think is written by a woman (63%).
Yay! It did a pretty good job, because (obviously) I'm a woman. Just for fun, I tried Nicky's Blogspot blog, and the results were:
We think is written by a woman (67%).
Haha. It gets even better when I tried Nicky's Wordpress blog:
We think is written by a woman (83%).
So Nicky sounds like even more of a woman than I do. I'm not sure how the GenderAnalyzer works exactly, but I do find this amusing.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Anonymous Review of "The Ethereal Gazette #10"

The other day, one of the writers who had a story published in "The Ethereal Gazette Issue 10" posted on my blog about his/her dis-satisfaction with Nicky, Nicky's writing, and Nicky's lack of payment. This writer has written a review of the entire anthology. Here are some of the excerpts.
"I am one of the poor saps who had a story printed in The Ethereal Gazette 10. I sent Nickolaus Pacione my story before I knew his online reputation. I really do live under an internet rock.

I know I certainly won’t be sending him any other stories as I want the next thing I have published to have some kind of readership. I’ve been reading through the magazine and I think that there are some very good stories in there and it’s a damned shame that they’re tainted by the association with Nick P.

Having read Nick’s contributions I understand exactly why he gets his reputation but I want to do a fair review of the whole magazine, and each individual story to make sure the talent in there is recognised."

Just like PublishAmerica, even Nicky can pull in a few good writers who didn't check him out beforehand. Our anonymous reviewer also has a keen eye when it comes to the cover:

"And from the LFP logo at the bottom of the cover –

“Original Horror Ann Science Fiction For The Fans, By The Fans”

He has a typo in his f***ing logo!"

Go, Nicky. That must be one of those personal touches he was talking about in a recent blog post. The reviewer talks more about the horrible cover before starting into reviews of each story. He/she doesn't think much of Nicky's first entry in the anthology:

"This is a Nick Pacione story so you know what you’re in for.... A typical quote – “It was about four in the morning when I began to add everything up, and even then it just didn’t add up.”

This is such a badly written story it isn’t even funny. Can I give less than 0/10? It’s my review so yes. -5/10"

He/she doesn't think much more of Nicky's second attempt, "The Suicide Man":

"I’ll try to keep this short and succinct, but when you try to describe what’s wrong with a Pacione story, it’s easy to get carried away. This is the story he bigs up on the back cover, claiming it will be as controversial as Antichrist Superstar. Now we know why he does it. Just another example of his ego, his story must be the one we turn to first. It’s also the only story with illustrations – and they’re functional at best, which is more than can be said for the story."

The reviewer then makes some very salient points and concludes with:

"There are 16 separate references to the fact that Donna will burn in hell for committing suicide. The phrase “black, charred skin/flesh” appears 15 times in the story, despite its first appearance being on the page 4. The word fuck is referred to twice as the F-bomb.

Despite this being by far the worst story in the magazine - it took me two tries before I could lower my standards enough to read it all the way through - I’m going to give it 2/10 for being so damned funny."

I'm sure Nicky will try to deny that he wrote "The Suicide Man", but after recent revelations in an e-mail to AngryinIllinois, he won't have a leg to stand on.

All of the stories in the Issue 10 are reviewed, so I highly recommend that you check it out here. I'll have my own review up soon, as well. I'll post it at Scribd and at Authorsden.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Review Status Update

Happy Monday morning to everyone. I had a nice weekend enjoying the sunny weather and cool nights we've been having lately. I've been gardening, floating a nearby river, hiking, starting up running again, and designing a book cover with AngryinIllinois - all of which makes me a little tardy with some reviews. Here's the update:

1. I posted a review of QUAKES AND STORMS at Authorsden. This version is expanded from the one that is also posted at Lulu, because Lulu limits the amount of text you can post. Authorsden does not.

2. I have an anonymous review of THE ETHEREAL GAZETTE 10 to post. It's long, so I need to figure out the best way to post it. It may as a separate downloadable PDF with some of the best excerpts posted directly on my blog.

3. I have my own review of THE ETHEREAL GAZETTE 10 in progress. I just need to review my notes and finish writing it. It will be posted on Authorsden, with excerpts here.

4. I have started reading the July issue of THE DARK FICTION SPOTLIGHT. Review to come.

5. I took Christopher Jacobsmeyer up on the offer he posted on Rusty's blog the other night and requested a copy of DEATH ROLL by Kevin Brown. This is a short chapbook of about 80 pages, which I look forward to reading and reviewing.

I'm going to try to get to all these within the next week, but no promises.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Tabloid Purposes 1 - Mostly Available for Free

Nicky has been crowing recently about getting lbobme's Xanga blog shut down. Long time EONs will remember that lbobme posted links to many of the stories that Nicky used in several of his books. I dug through my archives folders last night and found where I had saved off lbobme's posts. So starting today, I give you "Tabloid Purposes":

In Defiance of the Witch
by Gary Morton

In Death’s Face
By Macey Baggett Wuesthoff

The Blood Letter
By Derrick Edgar James

Screaming Walls
By Casey Gordon

Me, Myself, and INSANITY (link may be dead)
By Hasan Abood

Incarnation (link may be dead)
By Ceara Jaen Baxter

A Dry Drowning (link may be dead)
by Andrew Ian Dodge

Lake Fossil
By Nickolaus A. Pacione

by Ronald E. Wright
Not that story, but check out:

The Third Rule
By Nicholas S. Stember

The Shadow in the Crimson Light (link may be dead)
by Mikk Pärnits (aka Adrian Shepard)

The Ferryman's Wheelchair
By Nickolaus A. Pacione

Southern Exposure (link may be dead)
By Robert A. Montesino

Madame Guillotine
By Shaun Wintrow

Dream Machine, Inc
By David Fry

A Perfect Shot
By Nicholas S. Mounts
That story isn't online, but check out:

by Casey Gordon (aka Spade McCole)

Locker 13 (link may be dead)
By Sheldon S. Higdon

The Flamer (link may be dead)
By Kyle Kucek

The Card
by Mary E. Rose

A Question of Faith
By Macey Baggett Wuesthoff

The Yeti
By Philip Jucker

These Walls are Crumbling
By Paige Smith

MRI, A Hospital Horror
By Karla J. Dorman

Left To Die
By William Sheffield

By Victoria Taylor Murray

Lullaby (link may be dead)
By Aaron G. Saunders

Lost Sailor's Grave
By Sherry L. Gibson

Demon’s Dance
By Stephanie G. Cardin
As I noted above, some of these links are dead, particularly the ones from AuthorsDen where I suspect folks have moved on. Enjoy!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Review of "The Fandom Writer"

Since Jenny, 50 Foot Ant, and others have been posting reviews of Nicky Pacione's writing, I thought I'd take this opportunity to post a review that my ex-wife Joanna and I did back in February of 2007. This was first posted on Jenny's Xanga blog:

(All quotes and characters used under the "fair use" provisions of U.S. copyright law.)

Intro by Jenny: I've been sick this week, and my sister is visiting and playing nursemaid. She found the copy of "The Fandom Writer" I had left on my desk. When I walked into kitchen this morning, the first thing she said was, "Who wrote this? This is horrible." I agree with her. Because this piece is so "special", I have brought in a couple of guests to help with the review. I'll let them introduce themselves.

Joanna: Hi there, I'm Joanna Hollins, and this is my husband Todd.

Todd: Howdy, folks.

Joanna: We are both alive and well despite being chased around a creepy old asylum by a horde of tiny blood-sucking spiders. I'm so sorry I talked you into that adventure, Todd.

Todd: No worries, honey. You're not the one to blame for that fiasco.

Joanna: Good. Let's get started. Today we are reviewing "The Fandom Writer" by Nickolaus Pacione.

"She was a horror writer, but one that didn’t write of characters who weren't her own and bastardized the characters of a writer who didn’t agree with she did."

Joanna: I'm puzzled. That sentence contains a double negative, so it reads that "she" only wrote about her own characters. That doesn't jibe with the rest of the story, because "she" is continually referred to as a fanfiction writer.

Todd: You're right. That sentence is also awkwardly written, contains "that" instead of "who," and is missing a word near the end.

"Her name was Jane Rae Brite, and she liked to write what they called slash fiction..."

Joanna: Jane Rae? Brite? Is this supposed to be real people fic?

Todd: Yes, Nick thinks he's getting back at a couple of real authors by using their names.

Joanna: Isn't that illegal?

Todd: I don't know about that, but it is childish and unprofessional.

Joanna: I've done stupid things in the past -- you know, when I agreed to devote eight months of my life to a show I knew almost nothing about -- but this is worse. I don't want to be a part of hurting someone who doesn't deserve it, so from here on out, I'll just call this character Heather.

Todd: I don't think the women give a rat's ass what Nick thinks of them, but carry on.

"-- the writer who she idolized was named Albert Joseph Poe. Though what she did was something Albert wouldn’t--"

Todd: Hold it. You're not going to go over this line by line are you?

Joanna: Yes.

Todd: Joanna, have mercy. I'm a writer. I love language. Please just summarize.

Joanna: Fine. In this story, Heather is a fan fiction writer who writes stories using characters created by a writer named Albert Joseph Poe.

Todd: Poe is clearly meant to be Nick in this masturbatory fantasy.

Joanna: Can you say masturbatory on this blog?

Todd: If it's not asterisked out, then I can.

Joanna: I see what you mean about fantasy. Poe is described as a some who has "a mentality of someone who came from the old world" -- whatever that means -- and as a "born again Christian" and "a Man of God." He wrote "a technological horror but had elements of an era that was long forgotten or almost forgotten – a horror genre that had no way to be classified as such." Clearly, Poe is meant to be hot stuff. Of course, he's not as talented a horror writer as you, dear.

Todd: Actually, I've decided to switch genres.

Joanna: But you love writing gothic horror.

Todd: Not really. Gothic novels are so ...19th century. I've decided to write chick lit instead.

Joanna: Don't be ridiculous. You can't write chick lit. You don't know the difference between Payless shoes and Manolo Blahnik's. You can't name five major women's clothing designers or three brands of tampons.

Todd: Obviously, I'll have to do a little background research before I write.

Joanna: No one is going to buy a chick lit book written by a guy.

Todd: I'll use a pen name. How does Alberta Pacini sound?

Joanna: You don't want to know. Anyway, Poe is upset to learn that Heather is writing about his characters in ways he doesn't approve of.

Todd: Using proper English?

Joanna: According to, I mean Poe...what Heather is doing is an abomination in the eyes of God.

Todd: Ah yes, the long lost eleventh commandment, "Thou shalt not write fanfiction." Then God's probably really pissed about that Jesus/Cthulhu slash fanfic site I ran across on the Internet last week. I wonder if He's smited those authors yet.

Joanna: Poe sends Heather an e-mail rebuking her and saying "...I hope what I say here lives within your nightmares...." Heather doesn't understand what Poe means by this, but it really bothers her.

Todd: It was probably the poorly written e-mail that confused her, not the actual threat.

Joanna: On April 13, 1998, Heather is writing another piece of fan fiction when her computer flickers and dies. She immediately thinks, "[Poe's] God must had something to do with this one."

Todd: Finally, we're done with backstory, and we get to some semblance of a plot -- a mere 27.5% of the way through the story. Honey, when your laptop died last month, what did you first suspect was the cause? Something supernatural or something a little more mundane?

Joanna: I wouldn't call vampire spider venom mundane. Remember I had a hell of a time getting all of it off the computer after the asylum debacle. I get your point, though. Most people would be thinking, "Damn, the power supply is fried!" or some such thing.

Todd: Exactly. Horse, not zebras.

Joanna: Heather falls asleep. Her spirit is called to Purgatory where she is told that Charon awaits her, and she feels the creatures of Hell gnawing at her.

Todd: Creatures from Hell have overrun Purgatory, and a mythical Greek ferryman is wandering around in a mythical Judeo-Christian metaphysical construct. I'm pouring myself a drink. Want one?

Joanna: No thank you. I probably shouldn't quote this part then:

"she desecrated the writings from a man of God. This was her fate for the blasphemy she did before God – the blasphemy of the Holy Ghost. She saw him reading his Bible and prayed with his wife."


Todd: Damn it, Joanna.

Joanna: Are you alright?

Todd: Scotch. In the nasal passages. Ouch. Now I seriously need another drink.

Joanna: Heather looks up and can see, I mean Poe...writing and realizes that what he is writing is what is happening to her. She pleads with him to stop.

Todd: Poe is such a good Christian, isn't he. Sounds like he read the Cliff's Notes version of the Bible, and they left out the parts about "love thy neighbor" and "turn the other cheek." And let's not forget mercy and forgiveness.

Joanna: Maybe he has a different translation of the Bible.

Todd: Whose? Joseph Smith's?

Joanna: Poe and his wife finish writing the story of Heather together. Her spirit is left to suffer in Purgatory -- or maybe Hell -- while back in the physical world, she is in a coma. End of story.

Todd: Thank God.

Joanna: Let's do some quick statistics for the story. Number of names dropped, including Edgar Allen Poe and God - 6. Number of times the word "horror" or "horrors" is used - 19.

Todd: How about the number of sentences lacking a subject or a verb or both?

Joanna: I don't think we have enough time for me to go back and count all of those. We could discuss the fact the Nick writes Twilight Zone and The Crow fan fiction, yet also writes stories like this.

Todd: I think it's the slash aspect of the fan fiction that sets him off. I don't understand that. As you know, I'm a liberal. I believe that sex is a private matter, and as long as it is between two consenting adults, I don't see the problem.

Joanna: I'm so glad you feel that way, Todd. I have something important to tell you...I'm leaving you.

Todd: What? Why?

Joanna: Remember Catrina Taylor, the producer from the reality show?

Todd: How could I forget? She drove off and left the other participants to die.

Joanna: I'm in love with her.

Todd: Wha--

Joanna: I've been seeing her for three months now, and she makes me happy in a way I never was with you.

Todd: I don't understand.

Joanna: For one thing, she does this thing with her fingers where she [**censored by Jenny; reason - that was a little too explicit**]

Todd: I could learn to do that.

Joanna: I'm sorry. I know this is a shock, but I don't see any sense in continuing to live a lie.

Todd: I guess there's something I should tell you, too.

Joanna: Yes?

Todd: Remember that goat at my brother's farm--

Closing by Jenny: And that's a wrap. It's been a pleasure getting to know Joanna and Todd, but we'll let them settle things without an audience. I hope you all enjoyed today's review.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The Dark Fiction Spotlight - Issue 1

The inaugural issue of The Dark Fiction Spotlight is now live. I've copied off the stories to read (sorry TDFS, but I can't read green on black on-screen), and I'll have a review posted soon.

I also read the post on TDFS called July Newsletter. It's been edited since I first saw it, and one of the multiple typos and grammatical oddities was fixed. Others remain (emphasis is mine):

"...we all felt that each story brought it’s own flare and flavor..."

"Get your garbage pale ready because you will need it..."

"There are of course stories that the editor’s thought were stronger..." (commas are also conspicuously missing from this sentence)

"The editing team has put together a very surprising issue with 10 stories from authors whom we must question their sanity." (er, that's awkward and grammatically...contorted).

In my opinion, if one intends to publish an e-zine, one should make sure that one's professional publishing-related posts are impeccable. This one clearly isn't. I hope that the stories have better writing/editing than this.
Edited July 2, 2010 to add:

And...someone from TDFS must have seen this post because the errors have now been fixed, except for the sanity line.

So for TDFS, try this:

"from authors whom we must now question their sanity" --> "from authors whose sanity we must now question."