(I've been reading too much of Nicky's dreck lately, and the following seemed funny after a glass of wine or two. *heh* Oh, everybody wave to Nicky. I've got Illinois footprints all over the blog and three more Paypal invoices. Guess what I did with those...)
My poison of choice is scotch, but this works just as well with other beverages. Drink safely! I may add to this as inspiration strikes.
His Writing
Writes a Gary Stu -- 1 sip
Writes a story based on a dream -- 1 sip
Writes a story with a plot -- 5 sips
Uses the word "literary" when he means "literally" -- 1 sip
Uses a word like "horror" or "blood" or "eerie" more than 10 times in story -- 1 sip
More than 20 times -- 3 sips
More than 30 times -- 10 sips
Uses a comma splice -- 1 sip
Writes one grammatically correct sentence -- 1 sip
Writes two grammatically correct sentences in a row -- 5 sips
Changes POV mid-scene -- 1 sip
Changes POV mid-paragraph -- 4 sips
Twice in one paragraph -- 8 sips
Changes verb tense mid-paragraph -- 1 sip
Mid-sentence -- 1 sip
Says something can't be described -- 1 sip
Tells you the same item of information less than five times in one story -- 1 sip
Tells you the same item of information more than five times in one story -- 3 sip
Tells you what the character is thinking...then has the character say almost the same thing -- 1 sip
Then has the character say EXACTLY the same thing -- 5 sips
Says the situation is like being in a short story -- 1 sip
Mentions Rod Serling -- 1 sip
Mentions H.P. Lovecraft -- 1 sip
Mentions Edgar Allen Poe -- 2 sip
Mentions Poe, Lovecraft, and Serling in one story -- 8 sips
Say the situation is like being in a movie -- 1 sip
Mentions the Twilight Zone -- 1 sip
Mentions the Outer Limits -- 1 sip
Mentions Night Gallery -- 2 sips
Mentions Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, and Night Gallery in one story -- 10 sips
Mispells a word on the cover of a book -- 1 sip
The word is in the title -- 8 sips
Mispells his own name on the cover of a book -- 20 sips
His Posts
Calls someone a faggot --1 sip
Calls someone a bitch --1 sip
Calls someone a sow -- 1 sip
Calls someone a cunt -- 1 sip
Calls someone a bitch, cow, and cunt all in one post -- 3 sips
Uses motherfucker properly (as a single word) -- 10 sips
Mentions e-piracy -- 1 sip
Compares e-piracy to stealing MP3 songs -- 2 sips
Claims to be straight -- 1 sip
Threatens to fight someone -- 1 sip
Actually shows up to fight someone -- 1000 sips
My poison of choice is scotch, but this works just as well with other beverages. Drink safely! I may add to this as inspiration strikes.
His Writing
Writes a Gary Stu -- 1 sip
Writes a story based on a dream -- 1 sip
Writes a story with a plot -- 5 sips
Uses the word "literary" when he means "literally" -- 1 sip
Uses a word like "horror" or "blood" or "eerie" more than 10 times in story -- 1 sip
More than 20 times -- 3 sips
More than 30 times -- 10 sips
Uses a comma splice -- 1 sip
Writes one grammatically correct sentence -- 1 sip
Writes two grammatically correct sentences in a row -- 5 sips
Changes POV mid-scene -- 1 sip
Changes POV mid-paragraph -- 4 sips
Twice in one paragraph -- 8 sips
Changes verb tense mid-paragraph -- 1 sip
Mid-sentence -- 1 sip
Says something can't be described -- 1 sip
Tells you the same item of information less than five times in one story -- 1 sip
Tells you the same item of information more than five times in one story -- 3 sip
Tells you what the character is thinking...then has the character say almost the same thing -- 1 sip
Then has the character say EXACTLY the same thing -- 5 sips
Says the situation is like being in a short story -- 1 sip
Mentions Rod Serling -- 1 sip
Mentions H.P. Lovecraft -- 1 sip
Mentions Edgar Allen Poe -- 2 sip
Mentions Poe, Lovecraft, and Serling in one story -- 8 sips
Say the situation is like being in a movie -- 1 sip
Mentions the Twilight Zone -- 1 sip
Mentions the Outer Limits -- 1 sip
Mentions Night Gallery -- 2 sips
Mentions Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, and Night Gallery in one story -- 10 sips
Mispells a word on the cover of a book -- 1 sip
The word is in the title -- 8 sips
Mispells his own name on the cover of a book -- 20 sips
His Posts
Calls someone a faggot --1 sip
Calls someone a bitch --1 sip
Calls someone a sow -- 1 sip
Calls someone a cunt -- 1 sip
Calls someone a bitch, cow, and cunt all in one post -- 3 sips
Uses motherfucker properly (as a single word) -- 10 sips
Mentions e-piracy -- 1 sip
Compares e-piracy to stealing MP3 songs -- 2 sips
Claims to be straight -- 1 sip
Threatens to fight someone -- 1 sip
Actually shows up to fight someone -- 1000 sips
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