Sunday, January 14, 2007

A Schmuck Named Pacione

A while back, I ran into this illiterate schmuck named Nickolaus Pacione on a web site for horror writing. Nick thinks he's hot stuff, and you are damned a thousand vulgar ways if you try to tell him any differently -- which I did. I also told him that just because some random person with a Lulu account thinks Nick's stories are good enough to publish, that doesn't mean that I think they are good enough to publish.

Now Nick's a little pissed. He says in his most recent Xanga blog entry:

"I am dealing with a new shithead on the board that published one of my stories, and this twat thinks that she is above all the small press operations. ... One of those cunts goes by the name of horrorgal on the site. She seems to have a habit of ruining it for people who enjoy the story, and picked up a new friend in some of my dipshit enemies."

Nick's got a serious reading comprehension problem.

Here's what Nick had to say (in part) in a PM to me on the horror writing site:

"...I started a small press because of and got some strong authors on board, so you got a lot of gall to think the small press is below you. What the hell are you some kind of mass market snob? The hell with that elements of style book, I got my horror education from the H.P. Lovecraft, and you need to really look at writers who don't even look at a crappy book like that."

My response (in part):

"I never said small press was bad. Don't put words in my mouth. Small press can be good or bad, depending on the editor. And a small press run by an editor who doesn't recognize spelling and grammar mistakes and poor storytelling is not a small press whose products I will buy. Ever. Unfortunately, that now includes anything put out by you. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is."

His responses went downhill from there. To show just how much I value his opinion, here is his response - disemvoweled (a procedure originating on Making Light and used for generally offensive comments that add nothing to the discussion):

"Wht thrty y hv t sy sck thn, why dn't y pt n f yr strs n th chppng blck y cwrdly btch?

I bt y rd frml hcks lk Brn Kn nd Mry Sngvnn. m rtd n th thrs tht prdt Stphn Kng, y gnrnt cw. Kn scks nd Sngvnn hts nyn wh wll tll hr tht sh dsn't hv hr hrt n th gnr whch m thnkng th sm abt y. Hw d knw tht y'r jst nthr n-nm hck wh hsn't md t yt? 'v nlzd th gnr lng ngh t sy knw th fck wll m dng, dn't nd stck p sshl t s tht, nd y rng nw r stck p btch.

f y r syng nd t stdy ths tw, thn n thnk y. stdd Chr Prst's wrk t, nd rd sm thrs wh r t f my gnrtn nd wrkd wth gd nmbr f thm s pblshr. S bfr y g blstng n m s pblshr, tk lk t sm f th thrs n rstrs. Thy r sm f th bst n th bsnss. Y hv n vsn fr hrrr, nd y dn't knw shr crtvty whn y s t."

My favorite highly-appropriate mispelling in the above text is the line, "I've analized the genre long enough..." I'm sure he meant analyzed, but...


Unknown said...

Hello and happy Niction.

Jenny said...

Thanks, I'm going to be porting more of my posts over here this weekend. I may make them drafts or private (if I can figure out how to do that) until/unless my Xanga blog goes ka-blooey.

Sam Young said...

The odd thing is that I think his response is probably just as easily read after "disemvoweling" as it is beforehand.

Unknown said...

This Nick guy is a complete psychopath and needs some heavy anti-psychotic medication.