Nicky, Me, and Spinetinglers (Redux -- Part Two)

See the previous entry for the beginning of of this conversation. Continuing on:

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12-20-06 Me: Still with the insults, huh? I'm pretty tolerant, but if you keep up with the personal attacks, I will take this to the site moderators.

Now then...

I never said small press was bad. Don't put words in my mouth. Small press can be good or bad, depending on the editor. And a small press run by an editor who doesn't recognize spelling and grammar mistakes and poor storytelling is not a small press whose products I will buy. Ever. Unfortunately, that now includes anything put out by you. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Also, trying to get me to change my opinion about your story just because some other random person/editor liked it is futile. It's my opinion. I know what good English looks like, and I think you don't. That's why I mentioned the "Elements of Style" book. It's not "a crappy book". It's got good sound grammar and writing. I think your writing would improve if you took it to heart.

Let's see what else...

Why do you think your story was one of 300 submitted? And being in the top five means only that your story was better than the others, not that it is good. It's all relative.

You asked me to respect you. I did...until your PMs (and e-mail) to me where you started in with the cursing and the personal insults. I don't respect someone who behaves like that in response to criticism of his writing. It's totally inappropriate.

And finally, what the heck is "a semi-professional level" of publishing?

12-20-06 Nicky: What authority you have to say i suck then, why don't you put one of your stories on the chopping block you cowardly bitch?

12-20-06 Me: What authority you have to say i suck then

The United States Constitution and the laws of this wonderful land allow citizens to express their opinions about many things, including the quality of your writing.

12-20-06 Nicky: I bet you read formula hacks like Brian Keene and Mary Sangiovanni. I am rooted in the authors that predate Stephen King, you ignorant cow. Keene sucks and Sangiovanni hates anyone who will tell her that she doesn't have her heart in the genre which I am thinking the same about you. How do I know that you're just another no-name hack who hasn't made it yet? I've analized the genre long enough to say I know the well I am doing, I don't need a stuck up asshole to see that, and you ring now are a stuck up bitch.

If you are saying I need to study those two, then no thank you. I studied Cherie Priest's work too, and read some authors who are out of my generation and I worked with a good number of them as a publisher. So before you go blasting on me as a publisher, take a look at some of the authors on rosters. They are some of the best in the business. You have no vision for horror, and you don't know sheer creativity when you see it.

If you think this site is beneath you then why are you commenting on the stories then?

12-20-06 Nicky: You're not an American. And I guess you like formula writers, because I get sick and tired of the same old thing. I like to do things different -- so if you don't like that lady then piss off.

12-20-06 Me: ...you don't know sheer creativity when you see it.

Of course I do! I think your spelling and grammer are pretty creative. I'm reporting you to the admin of this board. The cow and bitch comments were the last straw.

12-25-06 Nicky: PUT YOUR TALENT WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS! Don't act like this site is below you and shut the hell up with the one star reviews, just because you hate that story that doesn't mean you have to insult the people who like it. You insulted the admin by saying that story sucked because she picked that one because she liked it.

12-25-06 Nicky: I figured out that you must have been one of Peter Barnes' buddies.

12-25-06 Nicky: friends with all the assholes who pirated my books that is you goddamned cow.

12-30-06 Me: Nick, Nick, Nick, such vitriol on Christmas Day. Why do you think everyone who dislikes your writing knows each other? And why in the world would I want to "steal" your stories when I've said over and over that I think the writing is horrible?

Oh, but I do have to thank you for pointing out Peter Barnes. I've read through his blog on Xanga (the recent stuff anyway), and I have a whole new understanding...

1-17-07 Nicky: What kind of horror do you write about? I bet my next royality check that you write about oversexed vampires, and seeing that you got connected up with Peter Barnes you're starting to pick up some of his asshole traits. He bragged about owning a pirated copy of my books and he harassed my publishers. I know this because it was brought to my attention. You don't see me going around harassing your publishers telling them not to run your work though the temptation is there.

I will shut up only when you submit to the contest and see what story you got out there. You're a bitch for blasting the story, because I think you eat the peanuts out of the shit of Peter Barnes and Brian Keene while you're at it. It doesn't surprise me that you might of got up to where you are by having your feet over your head. Either deliver or shut the up, I managed to get paid for my work too but you do act like this site is below you.

Why do I get this feeling you're a Poppy Z. Brite clone?

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And that is the last I have saved to my file. I can't onto to Spinetinglers right now, but I think Nicky was banned before the conversation could go any further.

Nicky, Me, and Spinetinglers (Redux -- Part One)

I first met Nicky at Spinetinglers (don't click through, though; the site is under reconstruction). Nicky's infamous "Spectral Exile" was one of the five stories posted for November 2006. I left an honest and not-too-mean review. That started a long series of PM's back and forth...as follows:

12-18-06 Nicky: I noticed you've flamed my short story, just to keep in mind that story got accepted in two anthologies. It made the top five for a reason, so I want to see can you do better -- or are you the kind of person who just writes fan fiction of Nightmare on Elm Street, show me if you can do better than Spectral Exile.

12-18-06 Me: (Unfortunately, I didn't save this first response)

12-19-06 Nicky: I worked very hard at that story and it did get picked up by a paying market. I guess you denounced that story for one reason you're friends with Peter Barnes. The one anthology is not being put out by lulu.com so kindly refrain from ripping on that one before even reading the anthology. I guess you wrote nothing but fan fiction so you don't know what an original story looks like. Spectral Exile got me some new readers legitimately, but what you say contributes to the constant e-piracy of my books.

If you don't have something nice to say about a story or someone who writes it then bite your damned tongue. This isn't a personal attack, just common sense. I guess your idea of Gothic horror is vampires that take it up the ass.

12-19-06 Me: I guess you denounced that story for one reason you're friends with Peter Barnes.

I'm not friends with any Peter Barnes, and I didn't "denounce" your story. I thought it was poorly written and confusing, and I said as much.

I guess you wrote nothing but fan fiction so you don't know what an original story looks like.

Oh good grief, you don't like message, so you attack the messenger. I don't write fan fiction. I consider it a copyright violation and a waste of my creative talents. I've read some, though, and most of it is irredeemable trash. I didn't say your story was unoriginal. I said it was poorly written and confusing: bad grammer, headhopping, redundant sentences, non-existent transitions, etc.

...but what you say contributes to the constant e-piracy of my books.

Um, how does my saying the story is poorly written and confusing contribute to people stealing it? Wouldn't it be just the opposite? Wouldn't I be warning people to stay away from it?

If you don't have something nice to say about a story or someone who writes it then bite your damned tongue.

The web site didn't say, "Only post nice things and high scores." I gave you my honest opinion. And I didn't criticize you. I criticized your writing. Also, when I like a story, I say so. See my comments on "Wilderness".

I guess your idea of Gothic horror is vampires that take it up the ass.

No, I like Gothic horror stories written in proper English with plot lines that I can follow. Again, you are making assumptions about me, trying to tear me down so that you don't have to even consider anything I said. If you want to be a successful writer, I think that you need to grow a thicker skin.

12-19-06 Nicky: That story is one of my better ones, so seeing a remark like yours I respond like a personal attack because people pirated books over remarks like that. I lost sales of my books over those kind of remarks. If you think you can do better put your talents where your mouth is instead of criting and ripping a story a new one, post a put a story up on the whipping post.

That is more than I could say with what you think, as far as I know you're nothing but a fan fiction writer or a slash writer for that matter. Both are scum of the earth to me, because it makes it harder for me to get noticed. I got a lot of critical acclaim in my favor and my stories do sell. You deserved every personal attack I made via email unless you can defend it by putting up a story of your own.

I think you prefer a hack like Darren McKeeman and believe me that bastard sucks more than some of the writers who are in the mass market these days. It takes more to do a short story without erotic content. I got that story as a promotion to the two anthologies noted. Scarlett liked the story and so did the person who is doing the anthology, so if you want to discredit a story like that then you're wasting your time. I expect at least 3 star review before I have someone's respect.

You're right there with that person who tried to stop the forums dead, and he came here to chase me around to descredit everything I've done. Don't follow his example. If you truly think I suck go read some of the stories on AuthorsDen. If you rip on those stories like you rip on this one, then if someone gives you a personal attack for doing it then don't come crying to me little girl.

12-19-06 Me: Dude, you need to chill. I don't care what a few other random people on the Internet think of your writing. I gave you my honest opinion of your writing, and you persist in attacking my character -- and going on about e-piracy (still makes no sense why my saying I think your writing is poor would lead to someone stealing it???) and lost sales of (self-published??) books -- so that you don't have to deal with the criticisms.

Look, if you want to improve your writing, try reading and applying:

1. "Elements of Style," by Strunk and White
2. One other really comprehensive grammar book ("Elements of Style" is a subset of grammar rules)
3. "On Writing," by Stephen King. He's got some good advice!

Then read some modern horror and anlayze how it's written. Look at sentence structure, pacing, transitions, dialogue, dialogue tags, etc. See what it is that gets writing published (legitimately, not the Lulu way).

Also, I will not be posting my work on-line for reasons I've already stated. I might check out one of your stories at AuthorsDen, but you since you seem to react to honest criticism with personal attacks, I'm not sure how that would benefit either one of us.

12-19-06 Nicky: Go back to your Poppy Z. Brite novels and quit wasting my time. I started a small press because of lulu.com and got some strong authors on board, so you got a lot of gall to think the small press is below you. What the hell are you some kind of mass market snob? The hell with that elements of style book, I got my horror education from the H.P. Lovecraft, and you need to really look at writers who don't even look at a crappy book like that. I bet you don't even have fiction written, put your ing talents where your mouth is instead of ripping on a story that made the top five out of 300 short stories.

12-19-06 Nicky: Give me a little more respect than that woman, I am published on a semi-professional level. So who the hell are you to say I suck when you got nothing to show for yourself? Put one of your goddamned stories on http://www.writerscafe.org/ and see what you got. It takes more balls to get a story published and to self-publish than not be published at all. You're a nobody.

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And there's more. I'll post it tomorrow or later tonight.

Nicky and Nanowrimo

I'm currently at my weekly Nanorimo write-in and wanted to let Nicky know (and I know you read this, Nicky) that I just wrote him into my novel. I realized that I needed a stupid motel clerk to facilitate some drama, and since I had already depicted the clerk as not-stupid, I gave her an unkempt beer-swilling cigarette-smoking foul-mouthed grandson who lived in the hotel basement and covered for her when she had to run out. Grandson Nickolaus is currently doing an excellent job of making my characters look smart and himself look like an idiot.

Nicky's Latest Sees the Light of Day

It' s no secret by now that Autoaim obtained "Shitstorm", Nicky's attempt at writing directly from Nicky himself and posted it on his blog. Autoaim's site is currently shut down. I believe that he is dealing with a DMCA notice from Nicky -- although I'm surprised Nicky could even figure out how to file one given his lack of reading comprehension and writing skill.

"Shitstorm" is a pile of crap like Nicky's other writings, better than some, worse than others. The villain is a fan fiction writer named Karen Morgan (ooh, tough to figure out who he's after here) who did things with characters that the original authors didn't like. Sounds about par for most of the fan fiction I've read, so what's the big deal?

In Nicky's story, writing fan fiction is sin against God, awakens damnation (however, the hell one does that) and ruins the original authors because it steals away readers. Uh...yeah. I think this story emphasizes one aspect of Nicky's character that has become apparent to me over the years: Nicky takes mere words far too seriously. For example:

• He freaks at the idea of someone burning a manuscript (see "F&*^beater" and "Shitstorm", as well as a myriad of blog posts). These days, though, a manuscript is just a printout from a computer. Who cares if one burns? Just print out another.

• He thinks lobbing any kind of insult at someone will automatically "piss them off". That's how Nicky reacts, of course, but most of the rest of (adult) humanity has a better sense of self-worth than that. I'm not saying that verbal insults can never be injurious. Far from it. Most of us, however, consider the source, and if the opinion of the person issuing the insult doesn't matter to use, we can let it go.

• He freaks when someone uses one of his characters for sport and has to tell everyone that that is NOT what his character would do. Any person reading Nicky spoofs probably already knows enough about Nicky to know that he or she is reading a spoof.

Nicky also finally got around to mentioning me in a story. He writes, "...it was just as unforgivable as that the deeds of what Ms. Wagner had done. The one who went and swiped every title in an unnamed anthology then plagiarized the stories, word for word. " Ms. Wagner would be me, but I'm not sure if Nicky has figured that out. He hasn't referred to me as "horrorgal" once since I posted Tabloid Purposes: A Road Trip, only as Jennifer Wagner. If he'd read the copyright page, he would see that I listed my e-mail address and it's the same one he's used to e-mail me before.

And for the record, I didn't plagiarize the stories. I've never read the stories, just their titles.

Nicky Hasn't Completely Forgotten About Me

Nicky has another two articles...er...rants...er...crap up on Associated Content. I won't link to them because he doesn't deserve the publicity. You can go here and read the whole text. However, he once again demonstrates that he has his head up his ass. He says,

"There is another out there who went and stole the title TABLOID PURPOSES
and plagiarized every story in the book. Stealing a character I created in
SPECTRAL EXILE as part of their act of trying to break me."

First, you can't copyright a title. And since the title of my book is more relevant to its contents than Nicky's is, I think I'll keep it.

Second, I didn't plagiarize any of the stories. I wrote silly anecdotes and gave them titles similar to the titles in Nicky's self-published unedited anthology. If Nicky had actually read the stories (and knew the meaning of "plagiarism"), he would realize that.

Third, I created a character called Nicholas Kane, but he's not Nicky's character. My Nicholas is a gay, white EMT lving in Yuma. Nicky's Nicholas is a Gary-Stu-esque writer living somewhere in the Midwest.

Nicky fails again.

And, Nicky, I'm up to 211 downloads. How many copies of your TP V are out there?

Nicky Lies Again

Nicky finally found "Tabloid Purposes: A Road Trip". He writes on his blog:

Also looks like the Cunt named Jennifer Wagner decided to steal TABLOID PURPOSES and make parody stories of each anthology entry and stealing my story SPECTRAL EXILE – word for word plagiarisms of the story.

Nicky likes to throw "plagiarism" around, even though no sane person would want to claim Nicky's writing as her own. I'd rather claim my dog's writing. Since I haven't received any rambling and incoherent death threats, I can only assume that Nicky has not actually read "Tabloid Purposes: A Road Trip". He's just figured out the jist of the e-book from comments on my blog and on the blogs of others (dial-up sucks, doesn't it, Nicky; can't even download a little 500K file). And that has resulted in two errors in his post:

• Nowhere in the "Tabloid Purposes: A Road Trip" is there any story even like "Spectral Exile", much less any word-for-word copying.



• The stories I wrote are not parodies of the stories in the anthology, which I haven't bought and don't intend to.

As of this writing, "Tabloid Purposes: A Road Trip" has been downloaded 169 times. Thank you to everyone who was interested enough to check it out. (ETA: Up to 180 now)

I can't wait until "Tabloid Purposes 6" comes out.

The Seeds of Inspiration

In my latest parody, I've used some characters with names similar to those in Nicky's stories. For those who haven't slogged through Nicky's coma-inducing prose:

The Dog Seeker - My character is Seth Stiles. Nicky wrote about a Seth Miles in "Passenger".

Ninos - My characters are Nicholas Kane and Otis Young, gay EMT's living in Yuma, Arizona. This is the only story where my characters have exactly the same name as two of Nicky's: Nicholas Kane from "Spectral Exile" and Otis Young from "Halloween on Camera". Nicky's characters, however, are white, heterosexual writers -- so clearly they are different characters from mine.

The Trouble with Georgie - My character is Georgina Davis. Nicky wrote about a Georgina Davidson in "Storms of Armageddon".

News of Seared - My character is Alan Lisaak. Nicky wrote about an Allan Isaac in "Leviathan's Ghost".

An Iron Son - My character is Katrina Tyler. Nicky wrote about a Catrina Taylor in "House of Spiders".

Home to a Chicken - My character is Dick Dorland. Nicky wrote about a Richard Borland in "Lake Fossil".

Death by Piratical Malfunction - My character is Albert Coe. Nicky wrote about an Albert Joseph Poe in "The Fandom Writer".

XT-211 - My character is Howard Prill. Nicky wrote about a Herald Prell in "Flying Cigars".

Wish I Weren't in Dixie - My character is Helen Cott. Nicky wrote about a Hellen Ott in "The Ferryman's Wheelchair".

Cyber:Terror:Dwarf - My character is Pickie Picoine. Nicky wrote about...oh wait...

The Hell Outside - My characters are Tim and Lauren Sterling and Bert Drexler. Nicky wrote about Tim and Laura Serling and Albert Drexler in "The Statue".

Killer Air - My character is Lenny Norwood. Nicky wrote about a Kenneth Norwood in "Norwood's Discovery".

The Last Act of Albert Deeds - My character is Albert Deeds. Nicky wrote about a Thomas Joseph Deeds in "Fuckbeater."

Practically Rancid - My character is Lane Nelson. Nicky wrote about a Layne Nielson in "Bleed the Freak".

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I also owe a credit to someone -- I don't remember who -- on the Something Awful forums for the image of Nicky standing on a sidewalk yelling at a lawn sprinkler. Thank you.